Differences Between Elvis and Me

Elvis once said, "I never thought I'd be anybody important." I, on the other hand, had no doubt that I would grow up to be a big deal. I had no reasons for these delusions of grandeur. I was not an attractive child, had no talent for music or sports, lacked basic social skills and wasn't a genius by any stretch of the imagination. What I did have going for me was an encyclopedic knowledge of television, movies and books, year-round allergies, scoliosis and bifocal glasses in the classic style of Sally Jessy Raphael, all by the age of 10. Houston, we have a nerd.

I always felt an unnecessary superiority to others, even in pre-school. The silly games and songs were always beneath me, as were the dummies that I was forced to sit with and nap next to. I was offended by Red Rover and children's menus.