OMG, Get Bill!

So, after the previous occupant was shuffled hastily from the ultrasound room, I was plopped in the chair. The doctor lubed up my neck with ultrasound jelly and took at gander at the beast within. She mumbled some things to herself and then called for her nurse. "Hey, where's Bill? Get him in here, he needs to see this!" I couldn't move my neck, so I couldn't share a bewildered glance with my husband. The nurse returned with the Bill in question and also the aforementioned Dr. Christian Brooks-Brothers-Izod. The doctor again called out for someone else to be brought in to view whatever the hell is lurking in my neck.

I was reminded of an In Living Color sketch with David Alan Grier--the gist of which revolved around giant hemorrhoids, his ass exposed, and a clueless nurse that kept calling people in to look at them, including the janitor. I honestly had to fight the urge to crack up and probably looked like a mental case at that moment. The doc was talking in doctor-ese and pointing out all kinds of things about my apparently giant and fascinating tumor. As quickly as I was pulled into the room, I was shuttled out and told to go to the 4th floor to have a scan of all my lymph nodes. The 4th floor is where I met Daniella, who so eerily resembled Tangina from Poltergeist that I was momentarily speechless when she called out my name (thank God my name isn't Carol Anne). She had a thick French accent and a matching thick French attitude.

"Why are you here?" she barked at me. I told her that my doctor had sent me up to have a scan of my lymph nodes. "I know that. What are we scanning?" "Ummm...my lymph nodes?" She asked again what we were scanning and why I was there. I asked her if perhaps I was in the wrong place and she assured me that I was not. The conversation stalled from there....

She had what I assumed was my chart in front of her and after being called Robin earlier in the morning, I was hesitant to trust anything anyone said. She took me back to the scanning room and asked me when I had my thyroid removed. Are you freaking kidding me? "I haven't had it removed. I have a tumor on it and was told to come here and have my lymph nodes scanned. That is all I know. I don't know what else to tell you." She made a harrumph-ish noise told me to lie down on the bed. I stood there debating whether to leave or do as she commanded. I thought French people were supposed to sound sexy, she sounded decidedly unsexy and pretty much terrifying. I decided to go ahead and lie down, if nothing more, just to see what the hell could possibly happen next.